Smiling is probably the simplest way to win friends and influence people and yet we use it so sparingly, we’ve almost forgotten the art of a beaming delivery.
Light up a room with your smile and you’ll be seen as instantly likeable and approachable — unless you have a particularly sinister-looking grin.
One of the first things we’ll ever do that gets us love and admiration is smile. Of course if we have particularly negative parents, they’ll assure everyone that it’s just gas and steal some of the shine away from our very first winning performance.
Humans are basically big apes and we love looking at each other. We connect via the eyes and then we decide in a split second if we like someone by the features on their face and also whether that face looks friendly or not. Now it’s not necessarily the case that smiling away like the village idiot is going to get you much game. For example, many women I know (and myself for that matter) tend to go for Byronic, moody men who would rather swallow razors than give someone a toothy grin. There’s a good reason for this as researchers have found that men with high testosterone (the uggh male hormone) levels are less smiley. So we are capable of finding unsmiling folk attractive but I would argue that sullen sultriness doesn’t really win you many friends.
I have to admit at this point that I have a bit of a problem in this department. When I’m lost in thought, I look like I’m in a real strop or, at the very least, incredibly aloof. Occasionally I may even look like I’m going to brain someone when all I’m thinking about is what to have for tea. If you have a face that looks a bit aggressive and angry, even when you’re not feeling that at all, it can be a real affliction. You have to consciously remember to smile even more than normal folk. However, most of you out there won’t suffer from this problem so you have no excuse.
A smile is one of the few things that is universally recognised as an expression of happiness. Someone with too much funding for fairly useless research found that we use 18 distinct types of smile in a variety of different social situations. However, the two you’ll be most familiar with are the real smile and fake one. A fake one rests on the mouth and doesn’t make it as far as the eyes but a proper smile crinkles the corners of your eyes and just ‘feels’ genuine. While you should be aiming for real smiles, Stepford ones will do until you get there as you can ‘trick’ your body into thinking you’re happy by acting as if you are.
Endorphins (those cute little biochemical compounds) are released when you laugh or smile and they work much the same way as opiates so if your dealer is on holiday, sorry, I mean if you want a natural sense of well-being and joy, get grinning. Rent out a funny film if you’re out of practice in smiling or play with your kids – I hear they say the funniest things. In short, make smiling a priority in your life.
Write it into your filofax if it makes you feel better. Scheduling in some time to smile at the world as it goes by is one of the best exercises you can do for your soul. And if you keep being accused of being miserable, stop everything until you can manage to raise a genuine smirk. Nobody likes being thought of as a grumpy grouch, unless of course you’re a gorgeous male model who makes his money from frowning semi-naked in photos. Phwoar.
Here’s an idea for you…
Smile at everyone you meet today. You don’t have to put Vaseline on your teeth or anything, just make some eye contact and give a brief smile to everyone you encounter, stranger and friend alike. Don’t do it self-consciously and don’t descend into doom if people don’t return your smile.
You’ll find that you get a warm, fuzzy feeling almost immediately. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, like you’re coming onto everyone you meet, then start small by smiling at babies and animals. That’s universally acceptable to just about everyone (except those who regularly read the tabloids and have naturally suspicious minds as a result).
Defining idea…
‘At some point, I realised something was wrong with my face. It was smiling.’
CHARLIE BROOKER, humorist and Guardian columnist, finds something of merit in his uncomfortable trip tothe Glastonbury festival.
How did it go?
Q I smiled at everyone and got asked out by a really unfortunate-looking man. What have you started?!?
A Well, a danger of being more attractive to the world is that the world isn’t always as attractive as you’d want it to be. Persevere as you’re not doing this to attract blokes but to feel happier within yourself and no amount of minging men can take that away from you.
Q I keep forgetting to smile. How do I remember?
A So do I! I’m lost in my own world and, before you know it, I’ve been accused of being a moody mare. The best thing to do is relax, when you remember, do it, if you don’t remember, don’t beat yourself up about it. The point of all this smiling is to make you happier not to force you to act unnaturally.
Q My baby is quite old now but she still hasn’t smiled at anyone.
Should I be worried?
A Nope. My little sister was the most grumpy baby in the world for months and months after she was born. That’s why I believe in reincarnation as she looked like an old man fed up at being reborn yet again. Smiling is universal and eventually your baby will come round to the benefits of turning up the corners of her mouth.