Children can teach us a lot about how to live a happy life — even when they’re being snotty-nosed brats.
When you seem to hit a block acting like a grown-up, it’s time to get back to basics and remember how to act like the big kid you really are.
Try to think back to what you were like as a child. Were you quiet or rowdy? Well-behaved or naughty? Did you do something memorable like win a competition or set fire to the kitchen (sorry about that, Mum)? Do you have any siblings? Did you get along with them? Thinking back to that time, you’ll have a number of memories that come up according to your own individual experience but one memory that is likely to be common to most people is how rarely adults listen to kids.
Children are often ignored and I recall once saying ‘Mum? Mum? Mum?’ about 50 times before finally Ma yelled ‘WHAT?’ It was impossible to get an adult’s undivided attention, truly impossible. Now it may surprise you but this is still happening to you, right now, even as you stand there a fully-fledged adult. You have an inner child that is probably rather used to being ignored.
In the Hawaiian spiritual tradition called Huna, there are three basic selves (there are other selves too but let’s not complicate things here): your child self, your conscious self and your higher self. Your child self controls your carnal desires and wants and is also in charge of your body; your conscious self looks after the thinking and reasoning bits and your higher self is your connection to divinity.
You don’t have to believe in Huna or in the existence of a child self within you but it can’t hurt to keep an open mind, especially if you regularly suffer from poor health or are proneto accidents. Since this child self controls the body, he or she may just be trying to get your attention. A classic case of this is the man who books a holiday after a long, long time and is really looking forward to it but a lucrative bit of work crops up right at the time of the holiday and the holiday is cancelled. The day the man was meant to go on holiday, he gets horrible flu-like symptoms and can’t work either. This is because if you promise your body a break and then renege on it without a compromise with your child self, that part of you is within its rights (and abilities) to force a break upon you. This may be petulant and immature but the hint of what this self is like is in the name.
It is also beneficial to listen to real-life children too. Two years ago I was suffering from a broken heart and my sister, being a kindly sort, decided a spot of babysitting would sort me right out. She handed over my niece and nephew and beat a hasty retreat out the door. My nephew, at that time, was six years old. He is a happy little boy who is easily distracted. He is perfection. Both the children could sense my unhappiness and, instead of being their usual feral selves, they sprawled on top of me in a heap and gave me a hug. ‘Hassan,’ I said, cuddling him. ‘Tell me the secret to happiness. You’re always happy.’ ‘OK, but it’s a secret so only you can hear.’ He made his little sister block her ears and then he leant in and whispered in my ear. ‘Eat lots of sugar. Move around a lot. And read funny stories.’ That is probably the best advice I have ever had in my life.
Here’s an idea for you…
Think of a game you enjoyed playing as a child, be it scrabble or monopoly or even hopscotch. Then… yes, you’ve guessed it… have a go! Rope in a playmate and enjoy a trip back to childhood. You’ll be surprised at how much fun a game you haven’t played since childhood can be. It’ll rejuvenate you more than any wrinkle cream.
Defining idea…
‘Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.’
PAULA POUNDSTONE, American comic
How did it go?
Q I am not comfortable in the company of children and I can’t remember what it was like being a child — any tips on how to get back there?
A Smell is very evocative. From certain baking smells to baby powder or the smell of rusks, there are a number of smells that can transport you right back to your own childhood. Why not go on an olfactory tour and try and find a smell that makes you nostalgic?
Q My children don’t induce feelings of peace and calm in me as they can be little terrors — what exactly can I learn from their attempts to destroy everything as quickly and loudly as possible?
A Abandonment; you can learn freedom! Why don’t you tear through the house one morning yelling and skidding into rooms and jumping on the sofa? They will freeze in terror that they’ve finally managed to drive Mum dotty and you will enjoy surprising them and yourself. Of course the stunned silence won’t last but it’ll be an interesting break from yelling at them to stop.
Q I had a very unhappy childhood. Why would I want to go back there?
A It’s even more important for you to regress to a child-like state as you will be re-making your childhood into a happy one. You don’t have to live in the past but nurture your inner child in some way; was there a doll you always wanted when you were little but couldn’t have? Buy it for yourself and brush her hair, make pretty clothes for her, do something a little childish. It’s OK now, you’re an adult and you can look after yourself.