Introduce change into your life to reignite your excitement and refresh your soul.
When you’re stuck in a rut, start misbehaving until you fi nd you manage to get yourself chucked out of it.
Every time you do something you build a neural pathway. The more times you repeat a particular behaviour, the stronger that pathway becomes. Eventually you’ll do it almost on auto-pilot. This is great for saving time when doing things like driving or typing as who would want to learn those skills over and over again each time we needed them. The problem arises when things that shouldn’t feel automatic become so. A good example is that of addictions. If your response to stress is to reach for the bottle or a cigarette, apart from the addictive qualities of the substance in question, you’re conditioning yourself to drink or smoke to alleviate stress. If every time you felt stressed, you reached for your yoga mat instead, you’d build up a conditioning process that would link yoga with what to do if you get stressed. It would certainly be a huge benefit to your body and mind for you to build those associations.
Today, make a list of areas in your life where you’d like some changes to occur. Would you like to lose some weight? Be healthier? Spend less money? Get more time for hobbies? Make a big list and put everything you’d like to change in your life on there. Then pick just one thing that is bothering you. Forget the rest and put the list away until you have tackled that one thing. Having chosen one thing to deal with, make a new list of 10 things that you can do to tackle this problem. Suppose mine is to lose weight (actually that is one of mine — wow, this book is like a reality show!). My 10 things could be:
1 Drink 2 litres of water a day
2 Give up fizzy drinks
3 Eat at least five portions of fruit and vegetables a day
4 Join a weight-loss programme
5 Get half an hour of exercise three times a week
6 Walk an hour a day
7 Join a dance class
8 Go swimming
9 Not have seconds at meals
10 Switch to skimmed milk in tea
Then pick just one of those things. You don’t have to go from 1 to 10; you can pick number six at random if you like. However, you must promise yourself that you will do this one thing faithfully for two weeks. Having done a fortnight of this, add another thing from your list for the next fortnight. Build it up until you’re doing all 10 things. The two weeks of faithfully doing your lifestyle change is important because that is how long it takes us to form a habit. That was how long it took me to give up sugar in my hot drinks and now I can’t bear to have even a few grains accidentally fall in my cup.
Pretty soon your changes will become habits. Once that happens, you should return to your list of things you’d like to change and see if there’s something else you can tackle. Don’t expect huge amounts of support from those around you as you are changing the familiar and that can be very disturbing for people who are afraid of change. If a person sees you as their ‘ditzy’ friend and suddenly you get very organised, they have to change their relationship to you from someone who takes care of you to someone who is on an equal footing and that can sometimes make them feel redundant. However, don’t let the reservations of others stop you making enjoyable changes.
Here’s an idea for you…
If you use an electric toothbrush, buy a manual one. If you have a manual one, buy an electric one. Then alternate the two for a week. It will feel really weird to begin with and, while dentists the length and breadth of the country will be declaring a fatwa on me, you’ll become more aware of what the inside of your mouth feels like. You’ll probably decide to stick to the electric toothbrush though as they’re the most fun you can have on your own in the bathroom. Ahem.
Defining idea…
‘Change in all things is sweet.’
ARISTOTLE, Greek philosopher
How did it go?
Q I like my life — why should I have to change it?
A Change for change’s sake is hardly ever fun or interesting. But you are reading about inner peace so I’m assuming you want something in your life to change. If you keep doing the same things over and over, you’ll get the same result. It’s fine to stick with the things you like in life but make a few little changes and see what benefits will accrue.
Q My wife says I’m having a mid-life crisis in making all these changes — am I?
A Yes, you are. We see a mid-life crisis as a bad thing but really a mid-life crisis is when we realise which goals we haven’t achieved in life and always wanted to and we strike out to try to achieve those. The reason there is so much controversy around it is that for some men this sometimes means leaving their marriage and getting a much younger lover and a sports car. However, men are not stereotypes so don’t let society tell you what your mid-life crisis should consist of. Do it your way, whatever that may be.
Q I want to make changes but my family aren’t supportive. How do I convince them?
A While family support is a very useful thing, you don’t necessarily need it to make changes in your own life. Start small so that nobody freaks out too much — maybe a different, bolder shade of lipstick. Then see where that leads you. Don’t be disheartened by discouragement from others, your commitment is what really matters.