Take back your pleasure in treats by limiting them to rare occasions.
Treats every day become a normal part of your life. This can make you feel bored rather than excited at the thought of another one.
When I was little, we got a cardboard box and string to make a car for ourselves. None of this mini-BMW-for-kids lark. Now before I start on a rant about ‘In my day…’ it is true to say that children are used to more and more presents, toys and gadgets now than ever before. We didn’t have such a vast array of things to nag our parents for when we were younger and also it was considered immoral then to ‘spoil’ your child. I feel sorry for today’s parents as that moral high ground has been taken away. We are a consumer society with a big emphasis on getting the best for our children. This means that something that would have been considered a treat back in my youth is considered a weekend normality now. I can’t remember ever getting presents when it wasn’t my birthday or Christmas. Perhaps if an uncle came to visit or I went to a party where there was a party bag to take home with you.
However, my niece and nephew get new toys almost every other weekend. They play with it for a couple of hours and then it lies forgotten in their rooms.
This feeling of immediate gratification and then disappointment is also prevalent in adults nowadays. A woman who works hard all week may go shopping on a Saturday and buy herself a lipstick or a top to feel better about the hard week just gone by. However, that happiness is short-lived and needs to be topped up again and again in order for any future treats to have any effect. Strangely the way we get that pleasurable experience is not from getting more and more treats but from getting fewer and fewer of them.
Anticipation is part of the joy of a real treat. It is a treat because it is rare and you look forward to it. Think of how lovely it is to have treats on holidays, forgetting the diets and saving and scrimping for a couple of weeks of unadulterated pleasure. Now imagine if you could blow out on restaurant meals and ice creams and all sorts of good things every day of the year. You’d soon feel the pinch in both your pocket and your too-tight-now trousers.
Re-introduce the idea of a rare treat into your life. If you love cream buns, have them just once a month and really relish the experience. If you really want to make it a treat, go and have a cream tea at a restaurant. The point is not to deny yourself but to save it for once in a while so that it feels like a special occasion. You value things that you save and wait for much more than those you can get in a heartbeat. Find yourself a ‘treat buddy’ who enjoysthe same things as you and put a date in your diary each month to enjoy your particular treat. If it is something expensive and complicated like scuba diving then adjust how often you do it accordingly. However, don’t go for any more frequent than once a month as then it’s not really a treat.
In between times if you’re really feeling deprived, give your treat buddy a call and talk about what you’ll do when you go for your treat. This will get you revved up but you won’t actually be giving in to temptation. Keep each other on the straight and narrow. The great thing about this is that you can also teach delayed gratification to your children, which, as we all know, makes for much more pleasant human beings than snotty-nosed brats who want everything NOW.
Here’s an idea for you…
When I was young my cousin and I would have ‘chocolate day’. This was each Friday and we weren’t allowed any chocolates on any other day but on Friday we got to have about 20 of them. This made us feel very, very happy (and a little sick) on Fridays. Pick a treat that you only have once a week and stick to it so that it really does feel special when you have it.
Defining idea…
‘Rare indulgence produces greater pleasure.’
JUVENAL, Roman poet
How did it go?
Q How can I avoid the temptation to treat myself all the time?
A Make a promise to yourself that you will gratify your need for a treat on a given day, say a week from now, and then make a note in your diary. When the day comes around, faithfully go and keep your promise to yourself. Each time you feel tempted, look in your diary to see how near treat day actually is.
Q I work really hard, why should I be denying myself treats?
A This is what economists call the ‘entitlement’ argument for spending. You feel entitled to have a treat but haven’t you been compensated for working hard with money? You have the money in the bank from having worked hard, why do you need to ‘prove’ to yourself that you work hard by treating yourself? Aren’t you aware of the hard work already? Also, spending your hard-earned cash on treats means that you have to work harder to keep achieving the treats you are giving yourself for working hard. It’s a vicious circle whereas saving your money could help you cut back your hours and not work so hard.
Q Why do I always feel guilty if I’m treating myself, even rarely?
A You feel as though you’re not worthy of a treat and that’s very sad. You must cease to have this attitude at once. Really enjoy your treat because you have saved up for it and you’ve earned it so why shouldn’t you enjoy it? Don’t be your own party-pooper.