Why silence can be a healing way towards inner peace. Sometimes the less said, the better.
Silence is golden because gold is a precious, desired commodity and so is silence. Value your store of it.
From the second you open your eyes in the morning, noise of all sorts assaults you. This isn’t just aural noise but also visual noise, a riot of electronics, colours, voices; a veritable cacophony of ‘stuff’. Dogs barking outside, traffic noise, gulls and building work all contribute to a tense, noisy atmosphere. How do we escape it? Well, if you’re like most people, we escape the noise by piling more noise on.
We never really just sit and enjoy silence because it feels wasteful in modern life. It seems like we should fill every second with productivity, be it a call to a friend, organising your weekend plans, watching TV or listening to the radio. This ‘noise’ is something that we create ourselves and so we have more time for it. Besides, how uncomfortable do you get when you don’t have all that noise going on around you?
When was the last time you just sat in silence? We don’t really do that because it seems slightly sad or depressing but this is the great myth of our time. Silence is not sad, needing noise is sad. You don’t need a TV or a radio to keep you company, you have yourself. Plus there’s a secret about silence that not many people know because not many people practise it.
Silence is the only time that you can hear yourself speak. Sound weird? Well, it is sort of but if you’re looking for some guidance in what to do with your life or a situation, silence can provide the space to find some answers. That’s why you don’t hear about death metal meditation. It all tends to be silent meditation because that’s when you’re still and quiet enough for spirit to give you some pointers.
I went on a silence retreat once and the first couple of days were excruciating.
I wanted to talk to people. I wanted to ask the monks who ran the retreat what made them decide to become monks and how long they had stayed silent for and do they ever go stir-crazy but I wasn’t allowed to. The hardest thing was when I accidentally bumped into somebody and went ‘sorry’ and then ‘sorry’ for having said sorry. The person in question just smiled but I felt like I’d broken a fast or something.
By about the third day I noticed that everything had changed. My movements were more graceful and the constant voice in my head had stopped chattering on so incessantly. It was still there but it was much more likely to notice a rose in bloom than to wonder whether I’d left the gas on and whether my ex was dating anyone now etc., etc. I returned from the retreat more rested than I have been in years.
You don’t have to go as drastic as a full-on retreat to enjoy silence. The next time you have the house to yourself, try lighting a candle and sitting in a comfortable position, looking into the flame. Let any noise from outside wash over you. You can notice it but don’t attach yourself to it. It will feel strange at first, especially if you usually leap to turn on the TV when you have the house to yourself but it is well worth doing for a bit of calm contemplation.
Here’s an idea for you…
Do a sponsored silence for one evening with your partner (get your kids involved if they’re not too young). You can either have it be sponsored for charity or you can each sponsor the other £20 to buy something you fancy as a reward. Instead of stopping the silence if you accidentally say something, just add a pound for every word uttered. Try to do interesting things remaining silent, like a silent seduction or a silent game of chess with pre-agreed hand signals to indicate ‘check’, etc.
Defining idea…
A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.
RACHEL NAOMI REMEN M.D., medical reformer, educator and author
How did it go?
Q Are you meant to feel frustrated and restricted when you try to stay silent?
A Yes! The first few times I did it, as a bit of a chatterbox, I felt very frustrated. Even when by myself, I wanted to sing and shout and break the silence but after a while, I noticed that even silence has different qualities and you only notice when you’ve been quiet a while. Persevere and you’ll soon understand what the attraction is.
Q I live in a really busy household and silence is impossible. What do you suggest?
A How about finding a bolt-hole, perhaps a garden shed or the garden or even the cellar or attic? Make yourself a small space that you can call your own and then get a bit of silence there. Alternatively, get your silence fix in the bath. Put your ears under the water, now that’s a very interesting sort of silence.
Q Whenever we argue, my husband gives me the silent treatment. Surely that’s not conducive to inner peace?
A No, it isn’t but I bet the silent treatment bugs you a whole lot more than an outright fight? Try to use it as an opportunity to disengage from the row and you try a bit of silence yourself. I recommend one of you breaks the silence eventually though as otherwise you’ll forget what you were rowing about! A friend of mine does silly dances in front of her husband when he’s not talking to her. Eventually he has to crack a smile, no matter how annoyed he is. Then they talk it out.